A new day

It's officially spring! Today I hear birds. 

They are outside twittering away; busy unpacking after a long winter's trip. Fixing up their homes and getting ready for summer. 

With the sound of the birds comes the sunshine. :)

A new attitude

Well good morning. 

I didn't have a particularly good day yesterday. AF came, and then I had a 1:1 with my useless manager and found out that I am to be passed over for promotion again this year. I called my husband and cried about nothing good happening in my life. He nicely reminded me that that is precisely the type of talk to bring trouble; that I could find out exactly how bad things could be if I am not grateful for what I have. 

I must admit he's right. It hurts to get passed up again. And it hurts to hear about my coworker's soon-to-be-born baby on the day that I find out I'm not. And it hurts that my sister shared my fertility issues with her estranged husband. But if I spend my time thinking about what isn't right, it's pretty hard to be thankful for what is. So I'll just name a few blessings for now and make this a ritual of thanksgiving. 

  - My parents are alive

  - My husband 

  - My home

For these things, I give thanks. 

Good day off

Hubby's bday is tomorrow, so took a couple of days off. Felt really good. I didn't realize how much I needed a break. Here's to keeping mellow. 

Proverbs 3:5-6

It has been a little more than 2 months since my last post, as I haven't had much to say since the negative beta. Honestly, I don't have too much to say now, except that I was listening to Donnie McLurkin's "I'll Trust You, Lord". It reminds me of Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths." I am trying not to be jealous of my 19 year-old-niece who is due in December, and I'll just trust Him. Sure is hard.

No good news

Well my Beta HCG level was 2.75, so officially not pregnant. I am proud of keeping it together at work, but admittedly lost it when I got in the car. I have to sit out the next month anyway. I don't know what's next.

On my way to Beta

This is going to be a double post day (not counting the hope post, as I've been trying to post that one since yesterday).

I did not have a restful sleep last night; kept waking up and looking at the clock. My stomach has been queasy, but I don't know if it's just nervousness.

On my way to the dr's office now. Just breathing and praying.

A thought that gives me more hope

At one point I thought my fingers were getting shorter these past couple of days. Then I checked Dr. Google and realized that cervical position for pregnancy is high... Not low like it should be when AF comes.

Suppositories allow you to become very up close and personal with these things...