Friday, February 19, 2016

New year, ... New try?

Six weeks in, and it's been a back and forth. My phone was stolen on New Year's, which is a horrible start. I hit the 40 pound weight loss mark, but then went on vacation and gained several pounds back. At last weigh-in, I'd lost 37 pounds, and it will take a diligence I don't have right now to fight for those other 3. We'll see what happens. 

I spoke to B about cycling again. I'm not sure how he feels about, though. So IDK what's going to happen. Or if I will even blog about it, frankly. 

I guess time will tell. 

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Happy Holidays?

This is always an interesting time of year, and this time is no different. I've been pretty OK over the last month, though there was a moment when I was in a funny place, but that's a comment for another day. 

Someone from a FB group that I'm in sent an email to the group that said she was thinking of (those of us with IF) and sending us hugs. I know she had a really difficult time and ended up finally being successful with a donor cycle, so I know it came from a good place. And I know she didn't mean it this way, but my mind added "you poor things (to be pitied)" at the end of it. This is a sucky place to be. 

It is what it is, though; this too shall pass, I hope. 

Looking forward to the days when these holidays are really happy again. 

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Due date

Today is my EDD (expected due date). Not likely to have been the actual day, since the surgeon who did my
myomectomy said that I would have to have a c-section. 

Fortunately, I'm feeling OK today. A little wistful, but haven't fallen apart. Which is huge progress. It doesn't guarantee that tomorrow won't be harder, but it's progress nonetheless. 

Going to sleep now, but will write more soon. Lots going on. 

Friday, November 20, 2015

Faith come alive

That's the name of a song I was listening to this morning. I don't know if it's a lack of faith, or if it's a question of whether or not my prayers will be answered (how I want them to).  

It's clearly a question I don't expect an answer to today. My pastor told me that part of the answer comes with constant prayer and patience. So grant me patience, Lord... but hurry!

I saw that written on a bumper sticker one day. How apropos. 

Monday, October 5, 2015

It's been awhile...

Haven't posted in a few months. It's been a roller coaster, emotionally. Sometimes I'm fine and hopeful to get started again, and sometimes I'm just sad that I'm not getting ready to give birth. 

Today just became one of the latter. AF came yesterday, so I've just started day 2. Saw a commercial of a woman holding a newborn little girl and just started crying. 

This sucks. I'm thinking about completely giving up writing this blog. I originally wanted to chronicle my journey and give hope to others going through IF, but I don't know how much I have anymore. 

Friday, July 31, 2015

Just another day

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post.  I thought about posting a week or so ago, and fell asleep.

Not much going on right now as I wait for October/November to come around.  I don't know if I am discontent because the time is passing and I'm not pregnant and every day gets me closer, or if that's just the icing on the cake. My stepdad's family barbecue is tomorrow.  I went last year for the first time, and remember hoping that I would pregnant by this year's. And I almost was.

This is hard.  I didn't want this blog to be a total "woe is me" thing, but sometimes it feels like that's what it is.  Perhaps it's just easier to get out this way, without worrying if someone is judging me.

Saw the musical Wicked on Wednesday.  For those who haven't seen it, it makes you see The Wizard of Oz in a whole new light.  For those who have, maybe I should try looking at things a different way.

Maybe I should try defying gravity.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Thoughts and updates

It's been almost 2 weeks since my last post.  I thought about posting a couple of times but then I would feel a little down and I didn't want to be too "woe is me".  Also, I'm feeling a little like I'm letting infertility define who I am as a person.  While it is a part of who I am, I'm hoping that it doesn't last forever...

So I still want to be a mom. And I still want to give birth.  I have my WTF appointment next week, so I will hear what Dr E. has to say.  I'm starting to wrap my head around maybe having to do a donor cycle. In the meantime, I'm taking the summer off from assisted reproductive technologies and working on losing 10 pounds.

Now on to the potentially interesting stuff.  On Thursday, spoke with a former colleague M who works at SM Co, the company I left last September.  She is really unhappy there and tried to apply to some positions where I am now, but wasn't accepted. While I was speaking with her, I looked on the website of HM Co and mentioned that there is another friend of mine that works there... low and behold, there is a Project Manager position.  I told M that I would speak with him.  So I text him that I see there is a PM position there, and I wanted info, to which he replies, "Please come here!!!".

Wow.  I called him Thursday night, and we spoke for a while.  I mentioned the position for M and he told me what that group was (not his) and what the salary range with likely be.  I knew M would jump at it... I would.

Then he tells me that his group has a horrible program manager and that he wants me to work with his group. O.M.G.  To say it would open up other opportunities for me would be an understatement.

If it were just about the money, I would say that I probably wouldn't last there long. But I'm not super happy where I am now, mainly because I feel like my manager is taking all the plum assignments and giving me the crap.  I already knew that I had an expiration date on my time here, so now I'm super excited about what could be.  Fingers crossed.