Patch day

Lots going on today. I woke up at 5am. On a Saturday morning, yuck. On one where my sister wants me to babysit, double yuck. It will not help me to be tired when they get here; they're 8 and 3. 

I put a patch on this morning. I took an HPT before I did to be on the safe side: negative. How quickly things can take a turn. 

AF has to show up by June 5th in order for me to start. Even though I patched today, I'm a bit apprehensive to start again. Want it to work; afraid of what could happen either way... What if it doesn't work at all? What if it does work and I have another miscarriage? Trying not to let fear overwhelm me. 

I look at the bag of positive HPTs that I still have (haven't had the heart to throw them away) and wonder if I will ever see one of those again. 

Time will tell.