Patch day

Lots going on today. I woke up at 5am. On a Saturday morning, yuck. On one where my sister wants me to babysit, double yuck. It will not help me to be tired when they get here; they're 8 and 3. 

I put a patch on this morning. I took an HPT before I did to be on the safe side: negative. How quickly things can take a turn. 

AF has to show up by June 5th in order for me to start. Even though I patched today, I'm a bit apprehensive to start again. Want it to work; afraid of what could happen either way... What if it doesn't work at all? What if it does work and I have another miscarriage? Trying not to let fear overwhelm me. 

I look at the bag of positive HPTs that I still have (haven't had the heart to throw them away) and wonder if I will ever see one of those again. 

Time will tell. 

Happy Birthday to me

Longer post tomorrow. Just wanted to say it was a good day. 

(almost) Off to the races

Been waiting for days to see an LH surge.  Finally got it this morning, which means I am ovulating today or tomorrow. So the next time AF starts (if she's on time), we'll be cycling again.  

Having a good day

OK, I've had a lot of woe is me posts, so I had to put this one in. Had a good 1:1 today with my manager, and told B I was having a great day. That was even before I called Lou.boutin. Looks like I may have found my shoes. If so, I will be super duper happy. Here's to a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Birthday times and milestones

So B's birthday was yesterday. We went to a Brazilian steak house for dinner. I also got him this watch he wanted and his college diploma framed. He gave me my birthday present on Friday, which is nine days early. Got me a pair of Louboutins. Only they don't fit... run two whole sizes too small. I wear 10.5/11 and he bought a 42 (12) to be on the safe side; turns out I need a 43 which doesn't appear to exist. Apparently he went all over looking for these and wanting to do something to cheer me up (next week would have marked the beginning of the second trimester). Instead of being really excited about such an extravagant present and a really sweet husband, I kept going through my head that this is another way that my body has failed me. But at least I snapped out of it before his day, and we had a good one. This morning I tested with my monitor, and it says that ovulation is likely to occur soon So I should surge tomorrow morning on Wednesday. I have to go back for bloodwork on Wednesday to see if the happy event has happened.

Back in the saddle

So as of Thirsday, I'm officially not pregnant. For my first negative Beta since March 23rd. AF, not to be outdone, came on Saturday. By my calculations, I needed it by Sunday to be able to cycle in June if things are on my normal schedule, so right on track. I go back on Thursday  for bloodwork. They are monitoring me for ovulation so I can be patched right after. So nervous. 

Bellies, Bellies, Everywhere...

... and not a one for me. I feel like you do when you get a new car, and suddenly you see that make, model and color everywhere. Everywhere I go, I see them. My neighbors were pulling shower decorations out of their car when I got home yesterday. In the cosmetics store, a pregnant salesperson was talking to a pregnant customer. It's a shame that even the chicken in the Bur.ger.King commercial is pregnant, and I'm not. There's no escaping the bellies or the comments... salesperson in a store asked me if I wanted to have kids. I just said "sure." As for me, I'm pretty sure I'm officially not pregnant. Started spotting yesterday, so looks like AF is on her way. Here's hoping for a better "round two".