Negative Beta day +1

Today is a sucky day. I have a headache from crying and from messing up my sleep pattern (laid down at 8. Don't know what time I fell asleep, but I woke up at 3:30am and have been up for the last few hours. 

I've had failed cycles before, but this one hurt more. Maybe because it's so close to the miscarriage; after all, I was pregnant less than three months ago. 

B says that he thinks I should give my body a break and get back on my food and exercise regimen. I agree on the exercise piece. I don't know what I want to do about food/supplements though. I'm tired of popping pills in the hopes that my reserve/quality will be good enough. I'm tired of going through cycles and getting one egg. I'm just tired of being disappointed and hurt. And taking time off won't help much, either: I'm 40. I've had reproductive system issues since I was 20. In the past 3 years I've had a myomectomy, 4 failed IVF cycles and a miscarriage. Isn't the definition of stupidity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? 

I just feel really defeated and don't understand why this keeps happening to me. I know that miracles happen; I just wonder if it's in my cards. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother. I just don't understand why He would let me want something so much if it weren't for me. I wish I knew. Maybe that would help me not to feel so down.