An emotional day...

...is the best way to describe it.  I have had mixed feelings these last few days, wondering if... well, just wondering if this is the right thing to do; would it be so hard for us if this is what was meant to be?

So it was with some trepidation this morning that I went for the day 3 embryo transfer, with B grumbling not because of the time, but because that previous statement is answered by him with a resounding no. Yet I also know that we are given opportunities for a reason... I don't know anyone else who has gone through a cycle and had the entire thing covered by insurance. That has to count for something, right?

Not to be outdone by the stormy mood in the car, the weather was a torrential downpour by the time we got downtown.  Parking only 1.5 blocks away, but with my little portable umbrella to share amongst us, I was pretty wet by the time we got to the office.  Supposed to be there are 8:45 for a 9:15 appointment, but got there about ten minutes late... the first time ever. I started drinking water right away, and they called us in the back almost right away.  Good thing water goes right through me, else I might have been way off schedule!

I get undressed and B has to slip on coveralls, booties, and a surgeon's cap over his clothes; the coveralls were not really made for someone over 6 feet tall... he made jokes about feeling like he was wearing a thong and the pair being split; as I laughed, I realized my bladder was definitely full!

Into the room we go to wait for everyone, and they come in about 9:25.  Not a moment too soon, as I think I have a mild case of OHSS, and am starting to feel twinges in my right ovary from all this fluid.  Abdominal ultrasound... no wonder I had to drink myself to oblivion! The speculum is put in place and then the ultrasound wand is on my stomach.  Yep, really full bladder.  They fiddle with viewing the right spot, and then insert the outside catheter, I can see it on the screen, as well as what the doctor refers to as my lush, thick lining. Then they say they are ready for the other one with the embryo inside.  They've already given me a picture of the 6-cell grade B embie that I am holding in my hand; I am watching what looks like a grain of rice (the fluid around the embryo) as it passes through the inner catheter. Pretty cool! I had to lay there for ten minutes.  Then was able to get up and go to the bathroom! No heavy lifting or exertion for the next two days.

Now the wait. In two weeks I will know if this worked; I pray it does.  As I stare at the picture of our potential child, I realize how blessed I am to have seen life at such a level as this. It really makes me realize how much bigger that us it all really is.

They say it only takes just one...

...which is good, cuz that's all I've got. One fertilized egg. Fingers crossed that it keeps growing. Will have a 3 day transfer on Friday.

Party of 3? - LONG

It's been a roller coaster of a morning. Too keyed up to really sleep, yet totally exhausted. Knocked out, but woke up a couple of times. Roll out of bed before the alarm. Forgot to call the nurse and ask if I should take the doxycycline before since I wasn't supposed to eat or drink after midnight; after talking to a cousin who had gone through the process and did take it the time her cycle worked, I decided to go for it with just enough water to get it down my throat. VERY bad idea. Took me all of 20 minutes to feel sick. And I threw up three times before I left. If you've ever vomited an empty stomach, it's worse when it's nothing but medication.

In the car with grumbling B (not his best at 6:30am in traffic), and getting anxious since we have to be there at 7. After bypassing two parking garages, we come to one that's closest and the most expensive... Gotta love it. We walk in the building at 7:05, however, so I'm OK.

They call me at 7:26 for a 7:30 appt... Nice. Make me go to the bathroom again and get undressed. B has gone upstairs to make his ...contribution. all my stuff in a locker and then I am signing off that it's OK to sedate me and take my eggs and I understand the risks... I mean really? why not have me sign that in the office? who says no? I get introduced to the RE and the assistant, and then into the room. Insert the anesthesiologist and the embryologist, who is given a band that looks just like mine with my name on it and stuff. Oh cool, we're twins :) I scoot down on the table and then they knock me out.

I wake up in a recovery room. They tell me it's 8:30 and ask how I feel. Crampy and a little cold with a super dry throat. They give me water, offer me apple juice that was too sweet, and the dryest saltine crackers I've ever tasted. I left two packs there... Gross. In came the doctor and told me they got... 3 Mentioned my previous myomectomy and the fact that I'm a heavy breather when I sleep, so ultimately my safety is the driving factor. Whatever. I forget to ask how many were mature, but the nurse tells me that the 3 she mentioned were mature. So that's that. Waiting until tomorrow for the fertilization report to know how many we have and when they will transfer; likely Friday. Was super ready to go, so I said so when asked. Came around front to where B was waiting, and then waddled my crampy self to the car. Stopped so I could get a nice bland egg white breakfast sandwich to take another doxy with and some water for my super parched throat. Ate it and then hopped in bed for a nap.

Now awake, I realized that I went from being worried that I would ovulate before retrieval and have nothing to being disappointed that I only had three. Not to optimistic, is it? I had to laugh at myself.

I realize this is a super long post, but I figured the best way for someone who is curious (like me) to understand this is for me to be as descriptive as possible.

Triggering

Quick update on trigger yesterday and today's stuff. Got the call at noon to trigger at 8:30 for ER at 7:30 on Tuesday. I figured I'd start the process at 8:20 to give the HCG time to dissolve. Unbeknownst to me I was going to need the extra time to psych myself if for sticking a 1.5" needle in my backside. Now one and a half inches isn't super long... Unless its a needle. Then it's looooong! After several deep breaths and staring at the needle inches from my right cheek I literally took the plunge.

Not as bad as I thought, frankly, and better than my thigh mishap.

This morning was the day to get up and take an HCG urine test to confirm that retrieval could occur tomorrow. It's basically a false positive pregnancy test. I am super tempted to get a box of HPTs so I can see one that says "Pregnant". Sad really. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow.

Two places at once - UPDATED

So here's today's follicle count: R: 1-20mm, 1-19mm, 2-17mm, L: 1-19. RE wants me to come again tomorrow and not trigger until then. Which means egg retrieval on WEDNESDAY MORNING, when I have a big meeting I can't miss. Waiting now to see what we can do about it. I don't want this to be a waste, and I can't miss that meeting. I am trying to see if they can schedule it after 10, because there's no way I can be two places at once.

UPDATED - they've talked it over, and decided on Tuesday. I have to take a "morning dose" of my meds before 6:30.

Patience is a virtue

And one I am a little lacking in right now. MM this morning saw three follicles on the right: one 20mm, one 16mm, and one 14mm. Left (finally!) showed one 18mm. So I have to come back tomorrow, and no trigger tonight. Sigh.

Grant me patience, Lord... but hurry!

Declarations

Joel Os.teen has a new book out called I Declare. Simply put, it says that the words you put out into the atmosphere have a direct impact on your life. Dee.pak Cho.pra takes it further, saying that it's your thoughts... They affect your words, and so on. I don't know exactly how true it is, but I know it can't hurt. So I am declaring that everything will work out in the end, whatever and whenever that may be.

What a difference a day (or two) makes

Had MM again this morning. Right side has three that are 14mm, so it's a great sign! Left is still a little murky, but growing. Have another appointment on Saturday now, with retrieval hopefully Monday but maybe Tuesday. dosage continues tonight with another Cetro.tide shot tomorrow. Starting to feel a little uncomfortable in the pelvic region, which is to be expected with all of this extra fluid I'm carrying around.

Getting excited :)

-Optimistic

All in perspective

In a much better mood than yesterday. Looked up some day 6 follicle sizes, and it turns out that my numbers are actually decent. So here's to their continued improvement...

MM yesterday wasn't bad. Got there at 7:30, so was seen even more quickly than before. Blood drawn for E2 and then off to the ultrasound room. After the count and redressed, off with the nurse who explained how to inject the Cetro.tide. So that meant two shots last night. But I have become a wizard with a subcutaneous injection, even if the needle is a little longer... And I had to stick myself twice to get all the meds out. Good thing I only do that twice during the cycle and not every day, like others on a different protocol.

See? There's my silver lining!

-Optimistic

A little disappointed...

MM appointment this morning. On the right side 5 follies are now 12mm, 11mm, three<10mm. Left not visible. Hopefully it gets better... But not feeling too optimistic today.

A stimulating evening

A quick update since my last post.  Got my hormone results from the nurse, so OK to start. Plan was to go home, chill out, and take meds before bed.  But then hubby sprung a date night on me.  Not a bad surprise at all! :). So I had to rush home for work, pick out my clothes, and then do the  injections since we wouldn't be back before midnight.  Medication mixing wasn't too difficult, as the nurse went over the instruction with me. I was about to inject when he walked into the bathroom, and for some reason I couldn't do it.  So I made him leave as he was shaking his head.

OK, insert the needle in a quick, dart like motion... OUCH! May have been a little over zealous with the dart like motion.  I survived though.  Tiny drop of blood when done, so not too bad.

Then off to date night. Fun!

-Optimistic

And we're off!

I have been counting down this day for a while, and it's finally here. Aunt Flo came yesterday (send me a comment or google it if you don't know what that is) so we can get started. I made my appointment for morning monitoring (MM) last night and planned to leave at 6:30 so I could be the first one here and sign in at 7:15a.

Well, it didn't exactly happen that way. For starters, I've had a sinus headache since yesterday and I was a little too excited to properly sleep. Couldn't find my shoes this morning, blah blah blah, and there was an overturned truck on the opposite side of the highway that everyone gawked at. After going to the wrong floor, I settled in at 7:45, which was good timing. Didn't wait too long before they paged me and drew my blood. Ultrasound showed 9 follicles. Met with the nurse to review my protocol. Provided there are no issues with the bloodwork, will start injections today.

Labor Day Weekend Ramblings

My friend Everitt came to town during the week, and sent me a text about getting together. I'd rather he'd given me a heads up before he got here, but he's always been a fly by the seat of his pants guy so I'm not sure why I thought that would change.  So on Saturday we went to dinner: M and me, Everitt, and another mutual friend, Janelle.  Had fun closing the restaurant down, and then went into the city to a lounge. I've discovered a new intolerance for liquor: I was totally nauseous after two martinis at dinner.  Thought I was good once we hit the lounge and ordered another drink.  Sipped it for two hours, alternating between the drink and my water. M looked at me funny when he asked if I wanted another drink and I told him cranberry and seltzer.  The older I get, the cheaper a date I become.

After partying until the wee hours, I dragged myself out of bed to serve communion at church.  We do it by intinction, where you dip the bread in the wine; I got to hold the wine.  This is the first time I've served it that way, and it amazed me how people picked over the bread.  Kinda grossed me out some.  Glad I don't see it often.  Guess the Mark 7 scripture reference about clean hands was directed at me.

Now it's Monday afternoon, and I feel totally lazy.  I should wash a load of clothes, do some cleaning and wash my hair, not necessarily in that order.  Instead, I am surfing the web and posting on my blog.  I am renaming Labor Day to Lazy Day. Unofficially, of course.

-Optimistic