I have been a little quiet for the last few days; mainly because I tested early (on Friday) and got a big fat negative test. I knew that it wasn't over, and didn't want to obsess.
On Saturday, however, I started cramping and spotting. I just knew it was over then, but I held it together even though I was a little sad.
Decided to take yesterday off so that I could be emotional away from the office if necessary. Originally, I was just going to turn off my phone, but I decided that the longer I have to deal it before returning to work, the better. My neighbor told me that if the nurse calls, its negative, but the doctor will call with positive news. I recollect that B's mom didn't know she was pregnant until 5 months because she was still getting what she thought was a light period, and I have a little hope. I say a fervent prayer.
B is giving me lots of hugs and kisses, but I don't really want to be bothered.
I am trying to hold it together and am afraid the extra shows of affection will make me lose it.
My phone rings about 2 and I see the nurse's number. I already know what she's going to tell me...
Except I don't. She's starts off with, "Unfortunately, I don't have good news for you... It's positive, but the number is low."
Wait... POSITIVE?!?!
So, I'm actually pregnant. I have to go back on Wednesday to repeat the test, and am praying and hoping that the number keeps going up. I relate the news to B and he's super cocky now; he keeps telling me that I have to have faith and know that I will be OK regardless. He doesn't get that just because I'm a little sad doesn't mean that I'm not OK.
Except, that I'm no longer sad. I know the nurse is trying to be cautious, but I have to get this far in order to keep going. I go upstairs and take another test... and see a faint blue line. First time ever! And for the first time in a long while I am truly optimistic.
FX your beta rises nicely. Thinking about you tomorrow!!
ReplyDelete-MM29 (Mindy)
Thank you! :D
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